28 Ways I Knew I Found “The One”

I found “the one” over a decade ago and life has definitely thrown us curve balls. Through it all, I have remained sure in the fact I married the right person for me.  I recall someone saying divorce happens when there are issues with money, sex or kids, so I address those (see #6-8)!  I think I covered just about everything here, but the point of this post is to show you how despite not having a role model relationship or really knowing what I was doing at all in the dating world, I still found the right person for me.  The hardest leap was being open to finding the one, and going on plenty of bad dates!

 

How I Knew I Found “The One”

  1. Being in a relationship suddenly became very easy. I do not personally relate to people telling me relationships take a lot of hard work. I find it very easy to be with my husband.  We enjoy each other’s company, share common interests and communicate really well.  We have disagreements, but that’s where good communication skills become clutch.
  2. The problems I had in previous relationships were no longer an issue.  I had two serious boyfriends before I met my hubby and I always knew they were not the right fit for many reasons.  For example, we had different world views, they did not have a serious career path, or we were just dysfunctional together.  These relationships taught me what I DON’T WANT in a partner.

    “When you finally meet the right one for you, it suddenly becomes clear why everyone else was so wrong.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli

  3. I did not settle.  When I was in the dating scene (ok, JDate) I met guys who told me I was intimidating because I’m too smart.  In the words of Mindy Kaling, “Ex-squeeeze me?!”  Okay, date over.  I was getting the message I need to act dumb or accept someone who wasn’t my intellectual equal to find a relationship.  No thank you.
  4. I found my emotional and intellectual equal. I am a long-term thinker, so when initial passions fade and lust turns into friendship, I want to be able to hang and enjoy my time with my partner. My hubby keeps me on my toes, he challenges me and I am never bored with him.
  5. In the beginning, it was scary how easy it was.  Seriously, we both were scared by just how much we liked one another and we were afraid the other shoe would drop.  This fear eventually faded and both proverbial shoes are still on.
  6. Money – we have similar spending habits.  We both like getting the best deal possible and we think carefully about what we want to purchase before swiping our credit card or clicking “make payment” online.  We are not frivolous spenders, but we are extravagant when it comes to things we really want.  Traveling and going on vacation is something we will always make a financial priority together.
  7. Sex – it’s the best I’ve ever had.  This is a personal subject, but I have never had bad sex with my hubby. (I do wish my OB told me to have lots of lubrication on hand after she gave us the go ahead to have relations after giving birth.  Do you hear me on this one ladies?)  Compared to the partners I had before my hubby, being with my hubby is easily, hands-down the best sex of my life.  Are we as wild and amorous as we were when we first got together?  NOPE.  But we both admit we couldn’t be even if we tried.  We are comfortable with our bodies, we know what works and 10+ years later I have absolutely no complaints.
  8. Kids – we have them.  We love them together.  We parent differently, but we have the same overall parenting style.  He may comb their hair differently or pick out clothes I wouldn’t choose, but that’s the fun of having someone else take the lead as a parent.  The end result is the same: hair is combed and clothes are on.  How he got it done doesn’t have to be the same.  Also, when I feel like I am out of ideas in a particularly difficult parenting situation (like my 3 year is throwing an atomic-level tantrum and it sounds like she’s being exorcised), he magically knows to step in and take care of it with ease.
  9. I don’t resent him. For some reason I hear people talk negatively about their partner, but I want my husband to be happy and successful in life.  If I can help him achieve it, I will and vice versa.
  10. We are invested in one another’s happiness.  I have seen some couples compete with their partner; tit for tat.  What’s the point of keeping score for the rest of your life and how do you decide who wins?  My end goal is happiness, not saying I did more or worked harder.
  11. We support each other’s choices. I don’t care at all about sports, but I am totally OK with my husband participating, watching, and making sports a priority. I love hosting, so combining a buffet of yummy food with his love of football means we host Super Bowl Parties.  Works for me!
  12. I have grown to care about and enjoy things he loves.  E.g. Star Wars, comic book characters and his favorite sports team.
  13. We are a team and we share the load (housework, raising children and working outside of the home).  We are both keen on being able to help the other. This literally means I put laundry in the washer, but he’ll fold and put it away.
  14. I enjoy doing and learning new things with my partner.  Installing a microwave over our oven is a horrible task, but it was a chance to do something hard and overcome it together.  We needed to get it done, and I’m really proud we did it well together.  We even high-fived the following morning when it was still hanging on the wall as if to say “Look, we didn’t destroy our kitchen! (I think putting together furniture is in the same bucket.)
  15. We see the world similarly, we do not have exactly the same world views, but they complement one another enough to foster interesting discussion.
  16. He can still surprise me. Recently, my husband told me he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted kids (hello, we have 3 girls)! Instead of getting upset I asked why and his answer made total sense to me (also, the ship has sailed and docked again).
  17. He accepts me for exactly who I am without trying to change me (and he finds me delightful)!  Truth: I couldn’t change even if I wanted to.
  18. I can be my genuine self.  I do not need to put on airs or work at making our life look like or become something inauthentic.  We experience the highs and lows of life together and it’s OK because we have each other.
  19. I do not want to change his personality.  Sure, his hair and clothes have been upgraded, but who he is at the core remains the same. Perfect for me.
  20. We let each other grow and mature naturally.  I don’t force him to come to a realization faster than he can, and he knows I need time to process things too.  This is key to “fighting fair.”
  21. We support one another’s personal passions and identities.  When I was pregnant with twins my husband commented, “I’m never going to play golf or volleyball again, will I?”  I thought, “Challenge accepted.”  We love doing different things which requires support from the other in the form of being a single parent for the night so the other can play in a golf or volleyball league, take a yoga class, or have a night out with friends.  It’s important to devote time to being who we are outside of our jobs, marriage and parenthood.
  22. It’s us versus everyone else.  I have never been at odds with my husband.  We are always on the same side of an argument because we both want to find a happy resolution that works for both of us.  It’s a matter of communicating effectively to understand where the other person is coming from.
  23. I feel most like myself in his presence.  We don’t have to be talking or doing anything in particular.  I just feel calm in the same space as him.
  24. The world made more sense once we met.  I got to experience what everyone talks about when they say “you know when you know.”  It just clicked.
  25. Everything is a fun adventure.  I like “grabbing life by the balls” and seeing what’s out there and I love having someone by my side for this adventure.  My life did not end or enter a lull when we got married.  I did not think, “Phew, well that’s done.  Check marriage off the life to do list!”  Instead I thought, “The fun is just about to start!”
  26. We know each other’s strengths and help with our weaknesses.  I am not interested in figuring out why the internet isn’t working in the house, or which computer we should purchase.  My husband doesn’t like dealing with customer service over the phone or making appointments for household stuff (like the plumber).  I don’t mind doing the stuff he disdains, and he’s OK with handling the stuff I have no patience for.
  27. We have similar taste.  This seems minor, but I try to create a “cozy/hygge” home.  If my husband preferred sharp lines and a modern look, it would be hard to compromise.
  28. Being with my husband has given me peace in my heart. Do you remember the friendship necklaces everyone had in the 90’s?  It’s usually a heart in 2 pieces; each friend took 1 piece. My hubby held the missing piece to my half and I just didn’t know how happy I could be until I met him.  It’s very simple, I feel complete with him in my life.
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