Do I Want Another Baby?

People often see me with three little girls means and asked, “So are you going for the boy?” My husband emphatically says, “No.”  He doesn’t want any more kids.  He only wanted two kids and I always wanted four.  We have three.  Do I want another baby?

Our typical newlywed conversation:

Friend: How many kids do you want?

Husband: Only two.

Wife: I’ve always wanted four.

Friend: So you’ll compromise on three?

Husband: No, I just want two.

Wife: So I’ll stick with four.

Friend (mock/jokingly): What happens if you have twins?

Husband: Then my wife wins.

Wife: I don’t want twins! Nobody wins with twins.

<<insert the sound of the universe conspiring and giving us identical twins which only happens 3 in 1,000 births, this is 0.003%>>

So here we are with three beautiful and healthy little girls. I am SO close to having four kids I could taste it.  BUT, my ovaries are not crying out and my uterus has a sign up saying, “Factory closed until further notice.”

I totally get the feeling of not being complete

I knew my oldest was not going to be our only kid and while I really savored every moment with her, once she turned 18 months old a switch flipped and I had to have another baby IMMEDIATELY.  I really love pregnancy and every phase of babyhood and motherhood (yes, I’m that annoyingly saccharin sweet mom who truly enjoys every phase), but if I don’t experience growing another baby in my womb again, I’m good.  I really thought I would want to though!  I always envisioned four, but I feel like I should stop while I’m ahead.  We have three healthy girls.  This is more than I EVER imagined.  I don’t need to tempt fate.

The only reason I ever wanted a baby was because I wanted one. People talk about giving their other children siblings, or not wanting their kids to be only children etc., but I think it all really comes down to just wanting another baby.  I always knew having babies was going to be a part of my life no matter what… married or not… I would have done adoption if I was single and 40 years old.  I would have even considered a sperm donor if I was single and in my late 30’s.  Thankfully I met my husband before my child bearing years were behind me.

I was sitting on the couch with my hubby and girls last night (well, the adults were sitting and the girls were in a myriad of sitting, laying, standing, crawling, jumping positions) and I felt a great sense of peace and wholeness looking at my hubby and my little ladies. For the past 18 months I kept waiting for the baby itch to come.  It hasn’t.

Sure, I could see having another baby, but I don’t feel the insatiable baby itch which can only be scratched by a baby in my womb.

The two times I have gotten pregnant were the result of an overwhelming desire to want a baby. Everything revolved around the unquenchable desire to have a baby and it was always in the back of my head… my one goal was to conceive.  I don’t feel this way now.

Our family feels really complete

I see how the girls love one another and interact.  They would be awesome with another baby sibling, but they are great right now (a lovely little trio traveling around the house).  It would take a miracle to have an “oops baby” (like literally an act of G-D or a broken condom).  If an “oops baby” happened I would be OK, but I feel really good with our family of five right now.

As a result of feeling really content with my gaggle of girls, I don’t want to tempt fate (run the risk of having a boy – I have always been very upfront, I only wanted girls) and having healthy babies is always a gamble.  I feel like I’m leaving the baby-making casino a huge winner, I came out on top with three healthy girls.  I’m happy leaving Baby Vegas a major jackpot winner!

My twins are not babies anymore. They look more and more like little girls rather than cherubic babies.  The thing I love most about babyhood is nursing and cuddling.  Fortunately, my twins are both HUGE cuddlers, so I don’t feel like I need to have another baby to get my shnuggs in.

Also, the increased level of communication is so nice.  It’s nice to know what they want and what they are thinking.  Baby sign language can only give you so much.  Now that I know what they are thinking, I find them hilarious and sweet little comedians.  The conversations I have with them are precious.  I love seeing their individual personalities emerge.  Having another baby would mean my focus would be split once again.  I love being immersed in the world of my three darlings.

I know I could handle having another baby. Honestly, I say this with earnestness instead of conceit, I would probably rock it because that’s just how I roll.  I was physically built to carry babies (as my husband lovingly told me when we first started dating, he complimented my “birthing hips” and I’m glad for them because they carried my twins to full term avoiding early delivery and the NICU), I loved nursing so much I became a Certified Lactation Counselor to help other moms navigate early motherhood and nursing, and I have endless patience with my little ones.  I took to motherhood and having twins like a duck to water, BUT I don’t need to prove anything and I would rather enjoy and appreciate what I have right in front of me; my three very intriguing and effervescent ladies.  And their cheeks are just so darn kissable.  It’s a great adventure.

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