This may not come out right, but I feel like I am still getting to know each of my twins, and they have been around for 2 years now. I had a solid 2+ years with my oldest before the twins arrived and I got to know Esther extremely well. I know all of her facial expressions, her idiosyncrasies, moods, general temperament, and I can almost always predict how she’ll react to a given situation.
Welcoming two new babies at once was like trying to continue standing while a giant wave crashed down over me. It’s exhilarating, scary, and you hope to survive. At the same time, having two new little people I know I instantly love and would do anything for is awesome, but after they were 6 months old, it was weird to realize I hardly knew them as well as I did their big sis at the same age.
I read just about every twin-focused book I could get my hands on. One take away I really like from other twin moms and experts is find solo time with each twin. I have to extend this to my oldest too (equality is important). I try to find this time while running errands here and there, but everyone wants to come along and I feel bad leaving two little girls crying at home for the sake of a 1-2 hour jaunt with one kid.
Before the twins turned one, I took my first solo trip with Miriam to visit my bestie during her cancer treatments. I know I need bonding time with my best girlfriends, but I also use these girlfriends-only trips as a way to get one on one time with my daughters. During my most recent trip with Ilana I found myself getting teary-eyed while watching her play because I never have the opportunity to focus on just her and see what a darling and thoughtful little girl she is becoming. At home with all three girls, my attention is always split and I’m on the lookout for meltdowns and fires to be put out. As I gazed at her playing so calmly and sweetly I felt incredibly lucky to have the wherewithal to notice this now before she’s any older. Of course I miss my other girls while I’m on my solo mama-daughter trips, but I wouldn’t change it.
Now every daughter gets their own solo-mama trip (trying for once a year) and we’re on a rotation of sorts. Next trip goes to Miriam and while I know there will be tears from the other girls as I leave the house, their turn will come soon enough. The opportunity to focus on JUST one kid is an incredible gift. I know I’ll keep up the solo mama trips for as long as they are interested in doing them with me (I’m guessing the teenage years will not be as exciting, but maybe I could entice them with trips to NYC to see Broadway shows?). We’ll see. For now, packing just one bag for me and my baby girl is a super bonus!