In continuation from my last post with reasons #1-4, here are more reasons why I don’t get the mom struggle.
Reasons #5-9 Why I Don’t Get the Mom Struggle
5. I communicate with my partner, A LOT, about EVERYTHING and I pass things off to him.
I married the right guy for me. Marriage is not a cake walk and my husband and I are always working on our communication. I cannot read his mind and he cannot read mine. If I am crabby for no good reason, I tell him. It’s not him, I’m just in a mood and I need some time (and space) to get over it.
I’m not looking to build resentment in our relationship.
I am becoming more aware of the mental load of motherhood, and this feminist comic hits the nail on the head perfectly. While my husband will gladly do any domestic task I ask, I still need to ask. So now, I will tell my husband, “I just don’t want to make decisions (or think) right now. I need you to take the lead.” This passes the mental load of figuring out what to make for dinner, how to arrange an appointment for the kids, or how to fix something gone haywire in the house squarely on his plate. I’ll play a supporting role, but I rest easy knowing he’s on top of it. I don’t need to do everything, and I don’t.
I do not have time to invest in friendships which do not fill my soul with happiness. We all have busy lives and different priorities pulling us in different directions. If a new friendship is blossoming, but I learn they are not reliable or do not communicate well, I don’t put more effort into nurturing the friendship and helping it grow. It’s a natural fall out (no major confrontation). I will not spend my time chasing a friend to hang out or just keep in touch. It’s a waste of my time and energy.
7. I take pleasure in the mundane.
I enjoy doing chores, running errands, and completing household tasks with my husband and kids. My favorite way to prepare a meal is with my husband. My kids love running around the grocery stores, and home improvement stores (they need to open every drawer in the model kitchens). I have made a trip to the car dealership seem like we’ve gone to the county fair. Going to the doctor for their annual well visit (and vaccinations) ends with a meal or treat in the hospital cafeteria (the best restaurant in the world) and walking around the hospital to give hugs out to “mama’s friends” (my coworkers). We even got to see Petie the Pony (see photo above)! I always look for the fun in the everyday stuff of life.
Keeping the house in working order (not ever 100% clean) is something we enjoy doing together. When a task comes up like organizing, cleaning out, building, rearranging, researching, purchasing, and installing, etc. we make it fun.
Our next big adventure will be transitioning the twins’ room from cribs to two twin beds (they are fully potty trained!). It’ll be a feat, but it will be fun together.
8. I outsource the stuff I don’t want to do
There are a lot of people who make a living doing the things we do not enjoy doing. I don’t really enjoy clothes shopping, but I like looking styled. I work with a stylist/image consultant which helps me look good, but without putting in the effort. We finally hired a lawn mowing service this year, and I LOVE not thinking about the lawn anymore (relieving the mental load). Money gives me the ability to live comfortably and with peace of mind.
9. I have a job I love and going to work is my “me time.”
I’ve had jobs which were killing me slowly. Going to work was becoming soul-crushing. I was spending 40+ hours a week (more time than I spend with my loved ones) in a toxic environment and I would cry at the end of the day thinking, “What am I doing? I’m not this person!”
It took all my grit to search for a new job because I was leaving a secure position, but I felt completely miserable and mistreated. Leaving something familiar is scary, but I’m really glad I leapt into the unknown. Each hellish job gave me valuable life lessons in what I am NOT looking for in an employer and manager (kind of like a dysfunctional relationship). I didn’t want to relive past mistakes, so I knew what to look for in a new position and company. In being thoughtful and cautious when choosing my new work environment, I found my dream job.
I do not feel like I need to tear myself away from my kids to come to work. I don’t feel guilty going to work. Coming to work is part of my self-care. I am a better mom for working and now it’s extra awesome because I love where I work too. When I get home from work I don’t feel drained. I am rejuvenated by my job and my professional work invigorates me to accomplish more in my personal life.
In conclusion, I’m not struggling, but it’s not by accident. I had to give my life and myself a good hard stare to see what matters and what does not. Then I asked myself, what can I do about it to make my life better and remove the struggle? It’s worth it.